Paul Hastings

How did this happen?

Who authorized this?

Did we sign a waiver for this?

The Backstory

It was October 14, 1993. I was almost 4 years old when I was abruptly woken up by my dad and hustled into the car along with my older brother so we could drive into downtown Austin, TX and meet the pink little bundle that was masquerading as my new sister.

For all the fuss that had precipitated her arrival, she sure wasn’t much to look at. She didn’t talk, or cry, or play, or really anything. She just… slept?

“Nice try“, I thought, “I may not be 4-years-old yet, but I know when my parents are trying to pull a fast one on me. Why don’t yall just return it where it came from?”

Thankfully, they didn’t follow my advice.

Being the thoughtful brother that I am, I’ve compiled a top 10 list of the best things about having Christina as a sister. I hope you enjoy.

---

The Top 10 Very Bestest Things About Having Christina As a Sister

1. Food: ”Christina, I’m starving. Can you feed your poor little brother?” Boom. There’s food.
2. Blame: “There’s a cat in the toilet? Wow, certainly couldn’t have been me. Must have been Christina. You know how girls are.” (Definitely more handy when we were younger. My family seems to have grown wise to me, although I certainly can’t imagine why.)
3. Nurse: “Christina! I’m missing a limb! Do something about it!“
4. Veterinarian: “Uh, Christina, the dog is foaming at the mouth. I’m not sure what that means. Can you take care of it?“
5. Comedy Show: The electricity is out, so instead we watch Christina be herself. Trust me, Jay Leno has nothing on her.
6. Secretary: “Hi Christina, I’m stuck in traffic on Hwy. 183 and I’m expecting an important email in 30 seconds. Can you check my email for me and then write a really good reply?“
7. Seamstress: Ok, I lied. She doesn’t sew. But I thought I’d throw it in there for good measure.
8. Photography: “Christina, don’t you feel like taking a passport photo for me, editing it, and then submitting it to Walmart’s photo department all within the next 15 minutes even though it’s almost midnight?“
9. Pedicurist: “Christina. My feet. Very tired. Massage. Please?“
10. Girls: C’mon, I’m a homeschool grad after all. Do you know how hard it is to meet girls on your own? “Christina, why don’t you invite Susie Pasoozie to your birthday party so you can introduce‘us’?” :hint, hint:

---

Man, it’s hard to believe that she’s 18. Nostalgia is setting in.

It just seems like yesterday that she was a chubby little 17-year-old tha… oh, whoops, I mean, 7-year-old… I certainly wasn’t trying to say… oh well, never mind.

Hmm… I seem to have a very large mouth. It’s interesting how well my feet fit into it. I better ask Christina to massage them.

So with that said, go to Christina’s Facebook profile and wish her a happy birthday.

If you’re not on Facebook then go to her blog and leave your well-wishes there.

Finally, if you don’t even know Christina, then back off creeper!